wandering to-do lists

in , ,

last week i wrote you a note about being sick and i didn’t send it, i couldn’t quite get it together to send. one of my friends keeps texting me asking me to pull cards for her for 2020 but i haven’t done it yet. i can’t quite find the time. i have all the ingredients for cookies but they haven’t been mixed together or baked.

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feeling the spiraling

in ,

it’s 3:45 in the afternoon and i am sitting on top of my bed with my laptop. one cat is curled up in my lap, purring loudly, the other is sitting next to my leg as though waiting for the position to open. outside my window is white, everything decorated in snow, and grey, overcast skies and sun due to set at 4:13.

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i write to you

in ,

early this week i took my turn leading my local women’s new moon circle. a few days ahead of our gathering, i sent a note inviting the women to consider some of their ancestors (i defined ancestors broadly as any blood relation, energetic lineage, or loved one who is no longer living) and determine who they wanted to honor and welcome into the space with us. i asked them to bring an ancestral totem along for the altar as well.

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to be normal

in

after the kids are gone to school i heat up the rest of yesterdays coffee in my chemex over a low flame. when it is warm, i add a spoonful of honey, a dab of ghee, and my extra creamy oat milk. i lean over the mug and take a sip. i become of aware of this wondering, “my awakening is not sterile.” the flavors of the coffee dance in my mouth. i feel my breath filling my body. my bare feet pressing into my hardwood floors. my awakening is not sterile, it is the opposite actually - an exquisite leaning into the vast waves of sensations of life. a practice of learning how much i can feel, how loose my grip on controlling and judging my feeling can be. 


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unburdening your internal operating system

in

when i first met Katie Hess, of Lotus Wei (and SAN Center, and Earth Aura Retreats) i had that feeling in my system like, yes. this was several years ago and i was at the time still more mired in some of my shy/reserved patterning. we were both at a women’s circle gathering in california, and it wasn’t until the last day that i walked up to her (and Lisa Rienhardt of Wei of Chocolate) and attempted to speak to them directly. what came out was something like, “this probably sounds weird but i believe i’d like to know you.”

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imperfection confessions & a practice

in

the pefectionism trap of our minds can be so real. we have stories about the people we cross paths with out in the world, or scroll past on social media. how they are so happy, have it all together, are great at parenting, never forget what night the open house at school is. we have stories about our colleagues and friends, they do their spiritual practice every day, never procrastinate a deadline, make way more money than we ever will. we all, and most especially us estrogen brained humans, are in a constant state of evaluating ourselves, of comparing ourselves to the “perfect person (woman).”

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here in the now, hello

in

it has been over a year since i last sent a note out to you. i want to confess, that over that long stretch of time, as we measure it, i have thought of you often. sometimes missing the simple art of writing words and sending them - sometimes turning the whole experience of not doing so into a monster of sorts, a failure. feeling like i wasn’t meeting my own standards, not producing enough, not following through on some idea i had of how frequent notes should be. failing at being an entrepreneur, or running my business.

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