can we talk about financial stability?
here is the story.
this is a screen shot of a story slide i put up on instagram earlier this week:
i got more dm’s from that story slide then i think i ever have ever. women congratulating me. women asking me questions. how did you do it? how did you know you wanted to leave your marriage? how have you built yourself up financially? how did you trust yourself to succeed? how did you create stability? what kind of support have you had? what are your favorite resources? what are the secrets?
my house is a small cape in a small town in new england. back in the early seventies, what was probably originally where a garage was got converted into a separate studio apartment. the apartment had been rented out for all that time, but when i was purchasing the home in 2014 the town didn’t want to approve it as a legal two family. with the help of some lawyers (hired by both buyers and sellers!) we got the official zoning on the house, and i went ahead with the purchase.
most people in my town would want a garage, not a small two family home with only outdoor parking, but for me it was a selling point about the house. rent money on the apartment could go towards the mortgage and i was a single mom - who had actually been a stay at home, homeschooling mom for the years leading up to my divorce. i needed to figure out the ways to become financially self sustainable.
i bought and moved into this home a little over 5 years ago. at the time, i was in the earlier stages of my separation/divorce (it was a pretty long process) and my name was still on the mortgage of the “marital home.” because of this it was hard for me to get approved for this mortgage. my parents stepped in and signed as the borrowers on this property for me.
a few months ago i began the process of refinancing, making the mortgage (title and deed) entirely under only my name. i found the mortgage application process (as a single, self employed person) frustrating to say the least. i stalled out several times, didn’t understand why the bank needed the same information from me five different ways every few weeks, and often felt like i had no idea what i was doing. luckily, i had my friend and all thing numbers support person, hannah garrison, on speed dial. with a fair amount of hand holding/text answering from her, i filled out every form, provided all the materials the bank needed, and even wrote the letter they required explaining why my income went down between 2017 and 2018 (my best friend died, do you tell the bank that).
when i got approved for my mortgage hannah told me, “you should be proud of yourself. this is something to be proud of.” i half listened.
this week, on wednesday, i went over to the lawyers office and signed the 10,000 documents required for my closing. as i was changing out of my pj’s and into a skirt and boots to head over there hannah told me, “you should be proud of yourself. this is something to be proud of.” and i listened.
i took a selfie to capture me, a woman who owns a home. when i arrived at the lawyers office, i took a picture of the sign on the door to remember the day. a few hours later, on a whim, i posted it on my instagram story with the little note saying that i had closed on refinancing, that i was so grateful to my parents for their help as co-signers all those years and that i was proud to be officially on my own now. approved for the mortgage under only. my. name.
as soon as i put the slide up on my story i had that wave of oh-no emotion wash over me. what was i doing? why did i post that? did i say enough about how privileged i am? did i sound too proud? is it ok for me to post about things like money and financial stability? who do i think i am?
i took a deep breath and decided to leave it up. who i am is a woman trying to find my way. practicing. i have needed, and received, a lot of support to get here. if i am too afraid to share my story how would i ever be able to pass that help along? i understand that parts of me are scared. i i did slow down, turn inward, and hdld space for them. also, i left the post up.
the messages started coming in almost right away. over the next day or so, i answered every message as best i could.
and the story just continues. i am still out here finding my way, celebrating home ownership, double checking my bank accounts, trying to keep up with my quickbooks online, texting hannah for hand holding, putting on mascara, looking the lawyer who did the closing with me right in the eyes, day dreaming about a very expensive coat i fell in love with, and saying thank you.
how about you? what are your secrets to financial success? or what are the questions you are needing help answering? or what are the fears you keeping tucked away privately in your own heart? is there a way we can come more together and provide community, and safe space, and support? can we talk about financial stability?
all love,
robin
totally unrelated note: i put another medicine for the collective energy readying up on IGTV earlier this week. if you missed it and want to play along, here it is…